please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
