I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my vagina is haunted
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
