Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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