also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
