Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
