I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Even my vagina gasped.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
