Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize