what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
