I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hippo gnu deer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
