You're my little dorito
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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