ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How's work?
Spinning.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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