On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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