Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
