i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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