She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
