I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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