A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
