So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
