Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
