guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
