Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
