bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
