I'm gonna have a badass scar
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize