Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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