I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
