I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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