i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i barfeds in our rink
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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