I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
two words...techno handjob
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
