I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
