sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
