i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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