how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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