We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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