She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
