Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
