I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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