hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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