Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
