I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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