shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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