Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
