I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
