At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
