You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How does one acquire holy water?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
