Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
