nut hugger
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He better not be in your backpack
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
