My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am available for nakedness
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
