Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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