yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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