We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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