I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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