What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
