His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
