If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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