I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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