u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
