Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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