Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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