those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Randomize
