Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
