so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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