Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
