As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize