I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
