Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
