I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
