She's JV to your varsity
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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