I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry my hands just texted you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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