She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
