i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
