Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
