I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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