Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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