You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have fence marks all over my body
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
