Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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