She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
